


The End or the Beginning- Part Two-Ghosts

by Charms7116



Category: The Dark Crystal (1982), The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance (TV)
Genre: After the Movie, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Fantasy, Gen, Homecoming, Jim Henson - Freeform, Science Fiction, Skeksis - Freeform, The dark crystal - Freeform, Urskeks, original Dark Crystal Characters, urRu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 11:34:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27969911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charms7116/pseuds/Charms7116
Summary: Part Two of my post movie The Dark Crystal UrSkek story about what happened to the UrSkeks after the Crystal and was healed, and they went home.The Fallen now face their new lives separately as UrSkeks. A lot of this is told from Durnazshars and SilSol's POV.





	1. Chapter One- Part Two-Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Durnazshar contemplates before reporting into his new position

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the slow uploading of late...have a bit of a family emergency on my hands at the moment

Durnazshar stood outside the Great Library a day later with Fred beside him. 

He was still purple but with obvious white highlights now. 

He sighed as he patted Fred “well I guess it is time for us to start our next big adventure…” he sighed. 

He’d been assigned to the Great Library as a Research Assistant and Assistant Librarian. 

The reason had been because of his Journal keeping and Illumination and Restoration work he had been told, but he knew the real reason was that they didn’t know what to do with one such as him. 

Also, he was one of the Fallen (despite been pardoned), and they hoped he’d just be forgotten eventually. 

He hadn’t been forbidden from practising his ‘magic’. 

But he had been told quite firmly and plainly to ‘Keep it to a minimum!’ especially his more destructive and potent ‘spells’ since they were often fuelled by darker and forbidden emotions, it was why SkekDurn had always been better at offensive spells and UrAzshar defensive. 

He could do both now though, as they were once again One, and yet he missed SkekDurn. 

Although the pair of them had often lamented on their loss of magical potential. 

However, now they had it all back, he didn’t feel happy about it nor entirely comfortable with it. 

He sighed, they didn’t understand, they never had, what he had been assigned too wasn’t so bad though and was what he would have become, a Research and Library Assistant. 

It was not an elite position nor even a high one, but it wasn’t a dead-end one, given time and hard work he could progress, become a senior Research Assistant, a Teacher, or a Lecturer perhaps? And was what he would have become anyway had things worked out differently had he not run away! 

He and Tael had been let off and pardoned, technically, but they too had been ordered to attend ‘counselling’, re-education and rehabilitation’. 

The other UrSkek, saw them as damaged, in need of Counselling and rehabilitation, that what had happened to them all had left them all confused and mentally unstable and even though they had both been pardoned of wrongdoing, they were still required to wear the penitent bands. 

The remaining Fallen had been separated and told to not associate with one another. 

The three leaders had been sent to the Provinces, and those of them that had been allowed to remain in the Capitol would unlikely cross paths with each other too often. 

Durnazshar was still surprised that he and Taelion had been permitted to stay together, they had even been assigned a residence together! “you are family” they been told “and it has been deemed permissible to keep you together and not separate you, we will not separate family” which was ironic, because as far as they both knew they were not brothers by blood. Durnazshar had always been known as a ‘Child of Misfortune’ seeing he was an orphan, which was unknown amongst UrSkek, seeing couples were usually matched together for their compatibility and their skills. 

Children born out of wedlock were virtually unheard of. 

Durnazshar suspected he was one such one, there was some leniency allowed of course, but most couples were matched with each other once they were old enough to be paired! Or at least steered gently in the right direction! 

“Come on Fred,” he said smoothing down his pale blue robes with its black penitent bands, he wore a coloured collar type thing too and the darker blue researchers' sash, like he had done long ago (the sash and the bands were new though). 

He had looked at himself in the mirror that morning and felt that a stranger was looking back at him “lets report in” Fred chittered nervously. 

Durnazshar caught his emotions and smiled slightly “yes, right, our next big adventure” he had also been surprised that they had let him keep Fred as well! 

He sighed and looked down at his UrSkek robes and his golden-skinned arms and hands, still getting used to seeing himself as a UrSkek yet again “I didn’t want this! Not after all this time! I didn’t fit then, and I am sure as anything not going to fit now!” 


	2. Chapter Two-Part Two- Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Durnazshar reports in with his new superior and is told the rules he must now live by

He entered the Great Library remembering how as a student in Secondary Education he wanted so much to be able to walk its hallowed halls as a Researcher or Lecturer, but right now he felt more alone than ever before, even when he spied OkAc, also clad in blue, who had also been assigned to the Great Library, their eyes met briefly, and then they both looked away, OkAc ironically had been a friend to both of his halves!   
  
He had double memories of spending time in the Library at the Castle as SkekDurn correcting SkekOk’s mistakes and helping him with his Research and restoration.

And as UrAzshar sitting with UrAc in his cave helping him, learning from him, and helping write prayers, lore, and that for the UrRu. 

Also, just discussing various theories and subjects, UrAc had not found the young UrRu a distraction and encouraged him to help him.  
  
He found the UrSkek he was supposed to report into, one of the Head Researchers and a Council member, who looking him up and down.  
  
Durnazshar lowered his head and folded his hands nervously in his robes, trying to keep his ‘ _wings_ ’ as invisible as possible, he had always looked a little different.  
  
Now that he was full-grown, it was even more apparent and that he was indeed UrSkek, four arms and all!  
  
“You are _not_ a child!” the UrSkek said, sounding surprised.  
  
“No, I’m not Master,” said Durnazshar “I’m not yet two thousand years old, but I am not a child”.  
  
He nodded “I expected you to be younger…given your description, Durnazshar. That is, **you,** isn’t it?”  
  
He nodded “yes, that is I”.  
  
“I expected you to be younger, none-the-less the Council says that you come with good references and that you have potential, that you are talented, and thorough, even if you are a little strange”.  
  
“Depends on what you class as ‘ _strange_ ’ Master,” Durnazshar said, “I ran away, I do not deny that I have also been gone a long time; I do not deny that I am damaged, but I am thorough, and I am accurate, I’m a quick learner, a hard worker and I will not  
cause any trouble for you or disruption, I merely wish to be left alone, to heal and to become once again a useful and productive member of UrSkek Society, I am UrSkek, and it is past time that I took up my duties as one”.  
  
He nodded “the Council has decreed me as your Guide to reassimilate you back into society, you have been pardoned and deemed innocent, but you are not forgiven, you have been gone for a long time, and you have dealt in things you shouldn’t have. So, I will do this, but here are my terms, you work here for four to five days depending on work, doing any task that I assign to you. You spend your rest days, studying and contemplating on your nature, your wrongdoings, and the wickedness you have dabbled in, you do not mention this to anyone else! And you keep any darkness that remains inside you close to your breast, you will be given the time to attend Counselling sessions and re-education sessions as required by the Council. You will attend training when I tell you too, understood? Given hard work, and time on your behalf, you will once again become a valued, productive and contributing member of our world and our society, you have been pardoned, but that does not mean that you are untainted or even that you are forgiven, nor innocent, you will wear the Penitent Bands until you are told; otherwise, you are considered ‘ _Fallen_ ’, and you are a Penitent, this you have bought upon yourself Durnazshar! **_Contemplate_** on this!”  
  
Durnazshar nodded “yes, understood”.  
  
“You are not a child, so I will not treat you like your one, but I will keep a close watch on you as will the Council, understand? And you **_will_** do Penance, although been classed as ‘ _Fallen_ ’ will be enough Penance in itself. I have also been given to understand that one of your former comrades, OkAc, has also been assigned here. I also realise that it will be hard for you not to cross paths occasionally in line with your work, seeing you are both no longer considered a threat, to our society, but there is to be no other interaction between the two of you, save in the progress of your work, understood?”  
  
“Yes,” Durnazshar said thinking that poor OkAc was probably getting the _exact_ same lecture, as he was and it would be worse, seeing _he_ was one of the Exiled 18!  
  
“You are not to mention your connection to OkAc, and where you have been for the last two thousand years or under the circumstances that you were understood? Unless officially asked to do so, you are not to even mention it again in passing, and it will be better for you to forget it ever happened. Also, you must not practise what you call your ‘ _Magic_ ’ in the Library because it was ultimately your wild ‘ _gift_ ’ that caused your downfall!”  
  
“I was _not_ exiled like my comrades Master, I simply ‘ _ **ran away’** ”_ Durnazshar said letting Durn mostly take charge for the moment.  
  
“Based on misguidance and misdirection from SoSu!” said the UrSkek “in your way Durnazshar you are as guilty as the rest of your ‘ _friends’_ and you are as a result now a Penitent” (a Penitent was a UrSkek who had committed a crime, which was rare in UrSkek society) and thus you will remain so until it is proven that you are no longer, but you will wear the Penitent Bands. You will always carry the label ‘ _Fallen_ ’ now, and that is your own doing…that _**alone** _should make you think twice and contemplate your nature!”  
  
“We did ** _nothing_** wrong!” Durnazshar said, feeling a moment of anger, which he tried to calm.   
  
SkekDurn had had most of their temper, and quite frankly he wasn’t used to having it back again “I just wanted to be. Well… **ME**! I was born _different,_ and that was _hard_ enough….!” He sighed “I understand Master, we took a vow to conform, and thus I will do  
so, you will not have any trouble from _me_ Master, I will conform the best way I can, I will do what I’m told, and I will repent” he sighed “what is the first task you wish me to do?”  
  
He was handed a stack of old damaged books “these need rebinding, restoring and then reshelving, I understand that is one of your skills, Restoration and Illumination and that you _**excel**_ at it”.  
  
Durnazshar nodded and was shown to a cubicle where he could work; it was away from everyone else; it seemed that solitude was part of his ‘ _re-education and rehabilitation’_.   
  
Oh well, he thought, it was probably for the best.  
  
“Come on Fred,” he said going to the cubicle, choosing to ignore the stares and the whispers and looks of pity, from his fellow UrSkek.   
  
They pitied them more than were angry at them, if been ‘ _Fallen_ ’ was what he must endure than ‘ _Fallen_ ’ he would be and take with UrSkek dignity and grace and use as a shield if necessary, he had been through far worse.


	3. Chapter Three- Part Two- Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a tear-jerker and a sad chapter, Durnazshar has a chance meeting with OkAc in the library after many months.

**The Capitol**

Several weeks passed, which grew into months, Durnazshar threw himself into his work, he’d always liked Research, so his designation wasn’t as bad as it could have been, he figured.  
  
However, he was very lonely, the other assistants didn’t associate with him any more than necessary or avoided him like he had the plague or that associating with him would make them ‘ _tainted and Fallen_ ’ too.  
  
He realized that his light was no longer so bright and that it was dimmed compared to the others, so he kept his head down at work and worked long hours, going home to Taelion who was equally as lonely and felt just as alienated.  
  
He missed LiLii who hadn’t been restored to them and had remained lost.  
  
Sometimes he and Taelion would cry together, and sometimes they would fall asleep next to each other, feeling a need to be together, nothing sexual just two brothers feeling lonely and sad.  
  
He was working late one night quite sometime later, rebinding and illuminating another old book, Master RetWin had given him to rebind, restore and reilluminate.  
  
He said he did indeed do excellent work and kept him loaded up with books that needed stuff like that done to them, getting him to copy texts and illuminate and restore faded letters and so forth and he had even gained some minor recognition for something he had done, it wasn’t such a bad life, _considering_ ….but still.  
  
He and Taelion also often wandered the Capitol restlessly, sitting at cafes, listening to lectures, and going to concerts and recitals and the like.  
  
They had even seen SilSol at one outdoor concert he had been assigned out to the Provinces to a school out there, where he had taken charge of the schools ailing Choir, he had come with some of his students, he had not seen them both, and they had both had to resist the urge to approach their old friend and Mentor ( and co-Conspirator!).  
  
Still, it had hurt, he too had been told not to associate with his former comrades, he also was a Penitent and like them wore the Penitent Bands on his soft pastel-colored robes which designated him as a Teacher.

  
His sentence was probably harsher, seeing he had also been one of their Leaders! Maybe he had seen them but could do no more than that.  
  
Durnazshar often played his lute in the evening as he had taken up composing again, that UrSol had given him, it helped some, eased his loneliness.  
  
A lot of his music had Skeksis or UrRu tendencies depends on who was mostly in charge at the time.  
  
But this night, Durnazshar was still in his cubicle later than all of the other assistants, who had all gone home, he did this often though, and he was generally left alone to do it.  
Durnazshar paused in his work to look at his scrapbook he had put together, searching for articles of his friends, that he had added to it, pictures, articles, and so forth.  
  
He looked through them often when he got lonely and often shed a tear over the pages, one of the pages contained a purple velvet ribbon faded with time, but still soft, and a preserved Starflower.  
  
“Li, I miss you,” he said softly “ this would have been so much easier if you had been restored with us….” He put it down and picked up the text he had been illuminating and was going to change ink colors when he heard something fall over in the stacks.  
  
“Whose there?” he called out, sometimes some of the patrons and other researchers got lost in the stacks or something, or were so engrossed in their endeavors that they did not realize that the Library had closed.  
  
He had once found an ancient UrSkek asleep amongst the stacks, as he had fallen asleep over his Research.  
  
He knew it wasn’t Master Retwin as he had retired some hours ago to his room at the back of the Library.  
  
Durnazshar walked forward; he automatically called a spell to mind, one to slow something down, not harm, like all non-combatant UrSkeks he was not permitted to bear arms ( he was surprised that they hadn’t taken his staff away from him) it wasn’t because he was a Penitent it was UrSkek law.  
  
He had been forbidden to use his ‘ _Magic_ ’ in the Library, so he went to recall it, as he had been told to keep it to a minimum as it caused disruption.

Many also saw it as a cause of all of Durnazshar’s _Darkness_.  
  
It had proven harder to do than he thought it would be, his magic was like a fire within him, and if he didn’t use it, he felt he would burn up inside.  
  
He walked forward and saw what it was, what had caused the books to fall, another UrSkek, small and slight like Durnazshar was shelving a book, he had a trolley beside him and was reshelving books, OkAc.  
  
Durnazshar knew that the Scribe was in the Library, usually on the front desk, taking returns and loans, he had also published a couple of articles lately himself, but, they hadn’t run into each other much, given that Durnazshar worked in the back out of the public eye, not since that first day, OkAc like him had been told to keep his association with his former comrades to a minimum and was probably even lonelier than Durnazshar was!

He spoke less these days unless he had something to say or in the progress of his work.  
  
Still, at least he spoke, unlike from what Durnazshar had heard of ShodYod who was believed to have taken a vow of silence as part of his Penance. Okac, when he was not working, was a virtual recluse, and no one knew where Shod was!  
  
“OkAc?” Durnazshar said softly.  
  
OkAc spun around always of nervous disposition he was probably even worse now.  
  
When he saw him he backed up and held up his hand “no” he said his voice soft and slightly hoarse with disuse “you know the rules!” and lowered his gaze ‘ they are always watching us you know” he added softly.  
  
“You must be finding this harder than me,” Durnazshar said, “ especially seeing you and Shod and Ac and Yod” he trailed off.  
  
“Shod who….?” OkAc said, but Durnazshar knew he was lying “you know the rules Durnazshar, turn away we cannot be seen speaking to each other”.  
  
Durnazshar said, “ we could be discussing a book or our work that is allowed, but I know I should, but you were an ally and friend to us both”.  
  
OkAc said, “ turn away…we cannot be seen talking to each other; we can no longer be friends. You know the rules as well as me, and like me, you agreed to them”.  
  
“This is just so wrong!” Durnazshar said with a sigh, “ not to mention _frustrating_!” realizing he sounded like SkekDurn at the moment but not caring at the moment “ they _can’t_ expect us to do this! Not after 2000 years! To just ignore each other, to just be ‘ _UrSkek_ ’ to one another! We all know way too much about each other! And what happened…they can’t expect us to forget that! To not remember the friends and allies we made and those we have lost!”  
  
OkAc said “I’ve seen you around” he paused.  
  
“My designation wasn’t so bad…better than what I expected it to be at any rate,” Durnazshar said, “I always did enjoy Research, in a way it is about all I have left now”.  
  
“Congratulations on your recognition you got,” said OkAc turning his trolley around again and went back to shelving.  
  
“Yours too,” said Durnazshar “I read your work and made a copy of it and added it to my scrapbook, that I keep”.  
  
OkAc nodded “Very well” and then pushed the trolley away and never looked back, not wanting Durnazshar to see the pain he had felt running into him and what it had caused him.  
  
Durnazshar had also changed, he had always had an energy and a vitality that they had all envied, but now he just looked tired and overworked.  
  
The lines of sadness on his face had gotten more profound. Okac realized that Durnazshar was no longer a youth, he had never seemed to have gotten as old as the rest of them, but, now he had, Durnazshar it seemed, pardoned though he was suffering as much as he.  
  
“Farewell Ok,” said Durnazshar softly and went back to his cubicle and patted Fred from where he sat under the table “ sometimes Fred I think you and Taelion are the only friends I have left to live for… _all_ that I have to live for!”  
  
He poured himself some tea “OkAc seems sadder than me, and more lonely, our lives, our sacrifice, they seem meaningless now…was it all worth it? ShodYod always a recluse is even more so now, TekTih also, no-one seems to see him much anymore…SilSol is out in the Provinces. Although he seems ok, I can tell he is not, they separated us all Fred.  
  
Now we are all alone, even more, alone than we were on Thra, but that is maybe what they intended all along, maybe they are hoping that we will all just die or fade away, from loneliness” he sighed “if it weren’t for Taelion and you….” He signed and said a couple of soft words to light his candle and picked up his inkpot and started to illuminate the text, he was supposed to be doing, trying to ignore the tears that fell freely onto his page, the tears they were common and often came, so he had learned to conceal them.


	4. Chapter Four- Part Two-Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SilSol is feeling a little lonely and lost and receives a letter from an old friend.
> 
> And like a lot of fans I have always believed that SilSol was 'Darkheart' in the comic, but a friend or two of mine have a different opinion on whom it was. 
> 
> I guess we will never know, but to me it's always been SilSol.

_**The Southern Provinces** _

Many miles away, SilSol stood on the upper balcony of his residence that he had been assigned to in the provinces, he had been trying to compose, but his mind was elsewhere and conflicted.  
  
He’d been assigned to the Provinces, at one of the Schools, far away from the Capitol, to teach music.  
  
It had not been a bad fate he thought, and he had been pretty much left to his own devices, he had taken over and started to conduct the ailing Choir.  
  
The UrSkek out here were mostly Plebeian ( UrSkek who hadn’t shown any great aptitude in anything, became Labourers or Workers, they ran offices, worked the land and sea, ran shops and businesses or became Public Servants).   
  
They were the backbone of society but were mostly overlooked he had found because they weren’t great researchers.   
  
It was a steady life without much chance of recognition.  
  
It hadn’t produced any brilliant scholars or such, in a way he had what he had always yearned for and dreamed about before one of his compositions had come under question….. in the days _before_.   
  
But now that he had it, he was finding it a little lonely, almost hallow existence.  
  
He had little friends as the other teachers generally avoided him, the ‘ _Fallen_ _One’_ they called him ‘ _Darkheart_ ’ he now wore the soft pastel colours of a teacher at the Academy, with a sash designating which area he taught in.   
  
His Penitent Bands, he had them made to conceal the dark mark over his heart, but he knew it was still there, he saw it every time he got dressed.  
  
He had no real friends or companions; people whispered when they saw him or just looked at him with pity or sadness, especially seeing as all of the ‘ _Fallen_ ’ he walked as much as he floated now, his aura, so weakened he could no longer indefinitely float.   
  
His students were his only companions now in the classroom or conducting the Choir he was building, he did not feel so alone, he lived towards the edge of town alone.  
  
Tonight he felt particularly alone, there was a meeting and a lecture tonight at the school and although he had attended the meeting he had not been invited to the talk, he never was, so he had simply left the school at the end of the session and had made his way home, alone.  
  
The Schools ailing Choir had been invited to the Capitol a few weeks ago to perform in an outdoor concert, and he had been congratulated for the work he had done on it, but that was it.  
  
While performing, he had seen Durnazshar and Taelion in the audience.   
  
He had been dismayed at the changes wrought in them both, especially Durnazshar.   
  
They always had, had a vitality to them, neither of them had fallen into the Darkness his Skeksis side had.   
  
They had fought alongside the Gelfling in the War on Thra, they had never killed a Skeksis, but they had caused quite a few upsets and won the Gelfling a few victories.  
  
DurnAzshar had just looked tired and overworked, and Taelion had just seemed tired, and both of them had seemed sad as well.  
  
He had, had to resist the urge to go to his two former friends; they had been forbidden to interact with each other, it had been hard enough just to avoid meeting their eyes, it had hurt more than he thought it would just to see them there at the performance.   
  
However, it had lightened his heart somewhat to see them there, especially when they had sung the anthem.   
  
Durnazshar had sung it as well, his voice standing out as SilSol always knew it would be, given time.  
  
“This is not what we wanted…or is it?” he said softly “did we just think we would be _forgiven_?” he had to admit yes, they probably had, he hated being alone.  
  
He felt more alone than ever before, he felt like a ghost.  
  
He walked back into his residence he had been assigned, it was a nice residence probably one of the nicest in town to dwell in, much better than either his cave on Thra or his room in a decaying castle, but somehow the cave (or the room depending on who was mostly in charge) had felt more at home, this didn’t, not yet, he wondered if it ever would.  
  
He found some letters and read them, mostly from UrSkek he didn’t know, congratulating him on his successes with the Provincial school choir, he flipped through them, not taking much notice, until he found one that made him smile, in a familiar left-handed script, Durnazshar was taking a risk.  
  
It made him smile at his boldness, Durnazshar wrote him often.  
  
The letter was simple, mostly wishing his congratulations for getting the school choir up and running and how beautiful it had sounded but there were also some words on how much he missed him.   
  
He guessed they could not stop the young UrSkek from sending him letters at not yet 2000 years old he was still considered relatively young for one of their near-immortal kind, especially seeing they had all gotten regenerated at the Great Conjunction.  
  
Az and Taelion had come to Thra _after_ they had built the Castle and they hadn’t been fully grown then!) he knew that Az was no longer that young UrSkek, but he still thought of him as such, and he would always be the youngest of them all.  
  
Durnazshar wrote to him often, and he looked forward to seeing that familiar left-handed script (which was neither SkekDurn nor UrAzshar but both) technically they couldn’t stop him from writing letters, seeing he was technically an innocent, SilSol didn’t reply to often, the Council was still watching HIM, he suspected that they weren’t watching Durnazshar so closely anymore.  
  
He wrote of things going on, rumours that he had heard, anything he had heard of their former comrades, what he was doing.   
  
He didn’t really mind the post he had been given, he had always liked Research, but he admitted to been lonely, he had Taelion and Fred, but that was all.  
  
Silsol often wondered if there was a way to get him out of there, and bring him here, he was an excellent and gifted musician and singer.   
  
He would be perfect for the Choir that SilSol had managed to put together and improve.  
  
“I miss you, Durnazshar,” he said softly.  
  
The young UrSkek and the forever youthful (it seemed) red headed UrRu (and Skek) he had become when they had gotten split have never seemed to have gotten old and always had (in both his forms) always managed to make him smile, he was no longer that youth, but, he always would be the youngest of them all.   
  
It hurt SilSol to see his former student, friend and co-conspirator so down.  
  
He loved Durnazshar like he was his son ( he sometimes wished he had been) and he missed him too.  
  
“ _I have been working on Illuminating an old text,_ ” Durnazshar wrote, “ _Master Retwin says that I do excellent work, it is interesting to see it come alive again, I thank OkAc, SkekOk and UrAc for that, teaching me how to do stuff like that, it keeps me busy_ _most days, and it makes me feel…useful, I realise that I was assigned here because they didn’t know what to do with me, but I don’t mind. Not so much anymore, it is probably what I would have become anyway…and partly what I wanted to back then, I still use my magic, but, I keep it to a minimum well at least when others are around, I let loose in a room in our home, I tried not to use it, and it felt like it would burn me up inside, especially seeing how I have more or less full control of it, and both sides of it back! It is like a fire within me, and I NEED to use it. I have always said that it has been deemed permissible for me to use it, as long as it is in the process of my work….”_   
  
Silsol smiled slightly as he read Durnazshar’s letter; at least he was starting to sound more like himself! And seemed to have found some contentment and fulfilment in his new position and projects, he probably worked himself into the ground, but, at least he didn’t seem to mind it now he had always loved Research.  
  
SilSol remembered how he used to spend hours roaming Thra, never contented to remain in the Valley for long, he’d look for reasons to wander, up to the point that he had left with SkekDurn forever.   
  
He had never come back to the Valley to live again.   
  
When they had seen him at the end they had thought him dead and had mourned him as such, seeing the last time they had seen him was the night that Jen’s village had been attacked, he had helped them rescue him and then he, Ion, Tael and Durn had vanished, they thought they had perished assisting the Gelfling that night, as the four of them had fought on the side of the Gelflings during the war, ** _against_ **the Skeksis!  
  
They had not heard of him or UrIon or their Counterparts again until they had marched into the Castle to restore the Crystal.   
  
They had all known it meant the end of them, whatever the outcome and SilSol had secretly hoped that Durnazshar and Taelion were indeed dead.  
  
But no, it had been SkekDurn who rescued SkekTek, even though SkekTek had betrayed his trust so long ago, before the war.  
  
SkekDurn had always had a gentleness and an honour about him, that just couldn’t be quenched or lost, and he had not forgotten a former friendship. It had been them who had rescued Jen when he’d been trapped under rubble where SilSol’s other side SkekSil the Chamberlain had tracked Jen and Kira and had tried to get the shard off him.  
  
“ _Jen just should have let me have it_!” his inner voice _“would have been better than this!!! Hmmm,_ ” SilSol sighed, yes SkekSil would always be a part of him….and he knew he wasn’t the only one who felt like that, they _all_ did! Even Az!  
  
“Oh hush,” he said to his inner voice, then with a sigh, he put the letter down, he missed Durnazshar “why did they have to separate us all?” he said with a sigh “that is just so wrong! Our Race is all about been One, so this doesn’t make any sense! Don’t they realise we _need_ each other to help heal our own damaged beings? They can’t just expect us to forget and go on as if it never happened! Not after **2000** years!” he sighed, sometimes he would look at his hands and wonder why he had five fingers? And then he would remember! He still felt like mainly UrSol inside! SkekSil was there, of course, and he used that side of him to get what he wanted, to do what he must and to endure! But he was and always would be SilSol!  
  
He’d been cherished as UrSol the Chanter, he had friends, and comrades, brothers even, who respected him, even SkekSil his other half had had allies and even _friends_! SkekDurn, Durnazshar’s _other_ half had been one of them! They hadn’t been alone, and they were all alone now.  
  
“We are not meant to be alone,” he said to himself.  
  
He looked around his house, scattered papers, where he could not get his notes right, and letters he had not read, and letters that needed answering, some of his lyric sheets were blurred with tears he had shed.   
  
He set about tidying up a bit if Mayleen the Deputy Dean of the Academy and the one assigned to him as his ‘ _Guide_ ’ saw this….  
  
She was the closest he had to a friend now he guessed, she worried about him, and she knew all about his history.   
  
She was the one the Council had assigned to him, to counsel, Guide and rehabilitate him, ‘ _SilSol the Fallen,_ ’ but she never called him that.  
  



	5. Chapter Five- Part Two- Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silsol and his Guide Mayleen.
> 
> This is the End of Part Two

He heard a knock on his door and groaned as he recognised Mayleen, no doubt she had come to ask why he hadn’t stayed after the meeting for the Recital and Debate tonight, he sighed, at least she _cared_ enough to do so.  
  
“I’ll be down in a minute!” he called out, looking around at the state of his house, he sighed, drifted down and opened the door.  
  
Mayleen stood out there and looked at him “ are you well? SilSol?” she asked.  
  
“Yes,” he replied.  
  
“I didn’t see you at the Recital and the Debate tonight, one of the others said you had left after the meeting,” she remarked.  
  
“I didn’t think that I was invited,” he said, “besides I got so much to do for the performance and Open Day, music to write and to organise so I came home”.  
  
“You work too hard,” she said, “ the Open Day isn’t on for months”.  
  
He sighed, thought about his answer and then replied “I made a vow to fit back into society, to not dwell on the past, not to stray again, we _all_ did! But sometimes that is easier said than done, so I work hard to ease the pain and the loneliness I now feel, I was not invited, so I did not go”.  
  
“Your absence was noted,” she remarked, “ so I said I’d come to check on you, some of the others, they are concerned for your health, you are brilliant, they notice that”.  
  
“Tell them I appreciate the concern, but I did not think that I was invited….” He paused “Mayleen; you don’t see how some of the other staff members are around me, I am snubbed, ignored, stared at, whispered about, look upon with pity and sadness, _SilSol the Heretic_ , the _Fallen UrSkek_ , _Darkheart_ , noone is outwardly cruel or unkind to me, I have seen cruelty I’ve even **_done_** it in my time, I have felt it as well, and I know what it can do, what **_I’ve_** done... But it is more pity here or sadness, not fear or anger, but we are looked up with both sympathy and sorrow, and they all wonder at the ‘ _Fallen_ ’ UrSkek.   
  
She said, “ I didn’t realise that you were snubbed”.  
  
He sighed “I _do_! You are about the only friend I have here! The others they congratulate me, they say nice things to me, they work with me, but they do not consider me _one_ of them!”  
  
She looked around his paper-strewn house “ are you sure you are well?”  
  
He nodded “I know what this looks like….but I am lonely, I’m well, I bear no ill Health, I just can’t seem to get my melodies right, that is all, and you know how **_frustrating_** that is for a Musician!?”  
  
“The Choir, it sounds beautiful and is rapidly improving under your tutelage, the pieces you have written for and prepared for it are beyond anything else, you worry too much, your music it is so beautiful! There are elements in it, that sound so much more, a rawness and an emotion and an edge in it, that isn’t full. _UrSkek_?”  
  
“I made a vow, not to stray again, a vow I will keep, but it can’t make me fully….. _forget_ , it was _2000_ years give or take! I lost so much, so many friends…friends whose faces I still see, whose voices I still hear…. I cannot forget, and it shows up in my music, I guess”.  
  
“I didn’t realise that you were so lonely,” she said.  
  
He said “I try not to dwell on it but SoSu…especially, he was one of my oldest and dearest friends, and I saw him as a kind of Mentor myself, I was a lot younger than he was. They should not have separated us Mayleen and forbid us to contact one another, none of us is any longer a threat to UrSkek society, our people they are not meant to be alone, and I _am_ alone. Friendship, it is _not_ a dark emotion, we all made a vow not to stray, to go on with our lives, a vow we all intend to keep, but, it makes it harder to recuperate, they separated us! And keep us from seeing one another! Some of them were my _friends_. And _err_ one of them was my biggest rival…well at least one side of him was! The other side, not so much. SoSu himself was my oldest and dearest friend! I miss him still! And I still mourn him! Well at least part of me does! Some of them were even former students and colleagues of mine! So, although everyone and my work surround me, I am still alone! I miss my _friends_ Mayleen! I even miss swapping snide comments and arguments with Ung! And plotting to take over the throne!” he sighed “Look I know we did wrong, and that we caused problems and disruptions and we were suitably punished for it! But we are _STILL_ being _punished_ for it! It seems! We will not stray again! But it is harder not to be tempted to do so if we are separated from our friends! Mayleen! You are my only friend here at the moment! And you were meant to be my Guide, to make sure I didn’t stray again, but I’m no longer a threat to anyone! Save to me!” he sighed and folded his arms and lowered his head.  
  
“You are…conflicted _,_ ” she said.

  
“Yes!” he said “but I always _will_ be now! I know this! You Know _this_! The **Council** knows this! My soul, it is wounded, and I have wounds that will never heal…I try to compose, but the Melodies they will not come!” he sighed and started to collect his scattered papers “would you like some tea?” he offered.  
  
“You are getting a lot of congratulatory letters” she observed, “ people are impressed with what you're done with our ailing Choir…”.  
  
He nodded “ I know, but they do not **KNOW** me! Not like you do or my friends, I try to take comfort in that, but it doesn’t always work” he picked up some sheet music, intended to come back to them, stacking them neatly to turn them into something suitable and beautiful and of course profitable!  
  
He sighed as he recognised that last thought, that last one was of course from SkekSil! He had to admit. It was sometimes hard to keep that side of him under control, especially now, and he wondered how the Others fared with that…’ Taint’ as well, did they feel as conflicted as he sometimes did.  
  
Although he had to admit, that darker side of him, he sometimes drew on for strength.  
  
He sometimes just let SkekSil have control, and there were times that Skeksis cleverness had gotten him out of some awkward moments!  
  
Their ‘’ _Guides_ ’ didn’t realise just how defined their so-called ‘Darker Sides’ had become, in the old days they had only been there, but now they were more defined! Just like their lighter sides were.  
  
They let everyone believe that the Crystal had _‘purified’_ them ( yep those Skeksis sides helped them do that too) and technically it should have! Cleared them all of their ‘darkness’ but it hadn’t, not entirely, it was still there, and they had to hold it close to their hearts and not let it show.  
  
Durnazshar would find it easier seeing his ‘Darker Side’ hadn’t really been that different.   
  
He had actually gotten on and was close to his Skeksis, and maybe Taelion as well, but the rest of them…well they weren’t so lucky.  
  
“Hush!!” he said softly to his inner SkekSil!  
  
“ _You could make much of this…given your current position_ ” his inner SkekSil insisted, he could see Skeksil so clearly in his inner vision “ _take_ _advantage_ _of it!!!”  
_  
“ _Hush! And I_ will _…somehow, how could I not?_ ” he said mentally and then retaking control of the situation he turned to Mayleen “I apologise Mayleen, my mind, it is… conflicted tonight. I didn’t realise that I had been invited to attend the Recital and the Debate and that I would be missed”.  
  
Mayleen said, “you are noticed more than you think, it is a small community after all”.  
  
“Yes, but for mostly the wrong reasons…I am SilSol… _the Fallen UrSkek,_ _Darkheart_ ” he sighed “I will endeavour to attend more often”.  
  
“This isn’t the Capitol, SilSol; it is the Provinces” she came over to him “I was assigned to be your Guide, but I hope we have become friends or can do so….now. I didn’t realise you were so lonely, come to me if you want to talk, instead of hiding in your home, especially if you are troubled”.  
  
“ _Take her_!” his inner SkekSil said “ _we did not_ want _this! You_ _know_ _that as well as I! despite everything and what you lot thought_ _you felt! We did not want to be UrSkeked! She is probably the only_ **good** _thing that has come out of this whole miserable situation!! She likes_ _you, silly! Even_ **I** _can see that_!” he opened and closed his clenched fist and calmed his mind, letting his UrRu calmness take over, he would have to deal with that forever! For a moment, he felt angry and cheated; why couldn’t he had remained as he was! But he hid this and calmed his mind yet again.  
  
Mayleen said, “take a walk with me SilSol, unburden yourself of your troubles to me, I am still your Guide”.  
  
“I know, and I appreciate that Mayleen” he sighed “but there is a lot of things I have to deal with by myself it seems and some you would not understand, I’m sorry”.  
  
Mayleen said, “ come walk with me SilSol, you were missed by me tonight even if noone else did, one of your students, SharLeah I believe her name is, sung beautifully, she had us all with tears in our eyes, and I could see your work in her song”.  
  
He looked at her “you sure…I mean you are supposed to be my Guide?”  
  
“I am not asking this as your Guide; I am asking you this as your friend, I want to be your friend, seeing you don’t seem to have any amongst us,” she said, “I didn’t realise this”.  
  
He said, “ the Council they took my friends away…those I had not lost we all made a vow not to stray again, and they STILL took our friends away!!”  
  
“They only did what they thought was right…; it was to make sure that you would not be tempted to stray again from the light, but… maybe it was too harsh an action to do”.  
  
“How can we all not be tempted to stray again if we are lonely?...alienated and judged, by our _own_ people? We did wrong, we see that now, we all know that but taking away our friends, our brothers, our allies, our comrades and forbidding us from communicating with each other…that is just _Wrong_! We can’t **Just Forget** that the last 2000 years did not happen! To deny it, to even deny what we did, the good _and the_ bad! And just go on? Because it did! And we _cannot_ forget it! But very well, I will take that walk with you; I need to clear my head, I am one piece away for the Choirs major performance in a few weeks, and it’s just not coming to me at the moment”.  
  
Mayleen nodded “it is a beautiful and calm night outside, and the sea looks so lovely in the moonlight, to take a stroll” as they were down near the ocean down here.  
  
It was ironic, SilSol thought, SkekTek had made the Garthim from their memories of sea creatures on their homeworld.  
  
“That is one thing I like about my exile out here in the Provinces, away from so many lights, you can see the stars” as seeing they were a fair way from the Capitol, there was less light “I wish I could bring Durnazshar out here. He always loved to look at the stars back on Thra, and he got good at reading them too”.  
  
“Durnazshar?” she asked.  
  
“One of my friends…and a former student” he replied.  
  
“Oh! One of the other Fallen you mean?’ she asked she had to admit she didn’t know their names.  
  
“No!... well technically he is I guess, but Durnazshar he was always an innocent! He just shared our fate …and only because he came looking for me!” he paused and then continued “the Council they technically pardoned him. But even _he_ is required to wear the Penitent Bands and follow the same rules as the rest of us were made to and told not to associate with us. He’s hurting as much as I, maybe more, purely because he _was_ an Innocent! He shouldn’t have to, he was only a child really; he didn’t know any better!” he looked at the night sky “ and he always liked to look at the stars and wonder what they hid….he always hoped to find out one day” he sighed “he was a _child_ Mayleen! An innocent! He was still only in Secondary Education when we met; _I_ was his Teacher!!! He should not have to pay for our folly! I love him as if he were my son! I wish he were sometimes; he always had a vitality and a love of adventure and fun, that most of us lost…... he made us all smile! And sigh at his ideas and antics. He never saw Thra as a prison; he saw it as a chance to be himself! And himself alone! He is no longer a child, of course, but he has also seemed to have lost that vitality, and that makes me sad…and his voice. It is beyond beautiful! Although he would disagree with that”.  
  
“You have spoken to him?’ she asked, “ you know…”.  
  
“I saw him at the performance in the Capitol, and I heard him sing along with the audience when we sang the anthem. But no, I did not speak or approach him, but he seemed to me, overworked and tired and just as lonely, I wanted to though…but a Vow is a Vow! And we all took it!”  
  
Mayleen said, “Ok, I will keep _that_ between us! But the Council cannot stop you from occasionally running into each other, especially at a public event like a concert”.   
  
They walked outside together, she thinking over what he had said, he had come a long way and had been nothing but compliant and even had taken over their ailing Choir on his own accord, he hadn’t been told to do so, he had asked if he could! Would it be so harmful to let him see at least one of his friends? Especially seeing said Friend was a former student of his and had been technically pardoned anyway?

##  End of Part Two


End file.
